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Tag: practicing safe ritual

Published on Leave a comment on Paganism in the time of coronavirus – part 1
Black and white image of the coronavirus under a microscope.
Image from Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; image is in the public domain.

March 18: In the days since posting this, it has become clear that we must practice the most strict social distancing possible, which means that we must cancel all in-person rituals and events unless they are only with those we already live with. I'm leaving this post up because the thought exercises in it are still useful for other situations where minimizing contact is important, such as when someone in your group is immunocompromised.

On an additional note, I know a lot of groups use a communal cup in their rituals, but those who aren't comfortable sharing will pour out a small amount or touch the cup to their forehead. Though that technically solves the problem, one of the techniques of ritual is bringing everyone together through the use of repetitive and identical actions. I believe strongly in trying to accommodate everyone by writing a ritual that everyone can participate in equally; whenever possible, let's not make people have to choose between standing out and compromising on their needs.

We may not gather weekly as a church, but when we gather, we tend to hug in greeting. Our rituals are full of shared food, shared drinking vessels, holding hands, and even kissing. COVID-19 and its social distancing recommendations will impact Ostara and maybe Beltane, and all the full moons and other celebrations until then, so we need to think about this.

Think carefully before having an event at all: the safest thing we can do is simply not have in-person gatherings. If you are going to have a ritual, keep the group small, encourage people to skip it if they are at all unwell, ask that people keep their distance from each other, and modify the ritual in advance.

If you've got a group with a deeply entrenched way of doing things, remember that now is not the time to cling to "tradition" if it is harmful to the greater good of flattening the curve. I have received at least 25 mass emails in the last couple of days from everyone from my puppy's daycare to my bank with information about what they are doing about this outbreak - there's no excuse not to think about this stuff in advance if you are going to be holding a ritual or event. Your participants need to know your plan so they can react according to their needs. Vulnerable people and their loved ones in particular need to decide if they should attend at all.

Outdoor rituals? If possible, doing rituals outside with all that fresh air may be healthier than someone's home where germs might be resting on the surfaces.

New pre-ritual ritual: Everyone washes their hands with soap and hot water before the ritual begins. This isn't a symbolic cleansing in salt water, but a real cleaning.

No hugging or kissing: We usually hug each other as a welcome to the Circle; I'm thinking bowing might be a substitute for us.

No holding hands: Our group starts every ritual with a short breathing meditation. We hold hands and stand close together so we can feel each other's deep breaths moving our bodies - now we will stand further apart and have no physical contact. We will have to listen for each other.

No shared drinking glasses: I circle with people with chronic illnesses and my own immune system is compromised by my Multiple Sclerosis medication, so we haven't had a shared goblet in years. We each bring our own goblets and we bless a carafe of beverages and share it out.

No passed food: Currently, we pass the food plate around the circle, speaking a blessing over it - letting our breath pass over the food and standing much closer to each other than 6 feet apart. I think each will help themselves to the food at the next ritual, if we even have food in the Circle.

Our religion is often embodied - the best rituals reach our spirits via our bodies... our bodies in movement, our bodies in community. So we have to find ways to bring our fragile bodies into ritual. If we can't use touch to connect us, we have to use our other senses. Maybe we will have to experiment with virtual/digital rituals. We have to be creative and open to change in order to be good, responsible Pagans in the time of coronavirus.

Links: Paganism in the time of coronavirus - part 2 and Paganism in the time of coronavirus - part 3: Virtual rituals.

Published on Leave a comment on Link roundup: accessible Paganism


Blue and white stick figure actively wheeling a wheelchairAs Paganism matures, we have to address a huge range of accessibility issues for our religion: physical accessibility for Pagans with mobility issues, assistance for Pagan parents, audiobooks for Pagans who are blind, sign language interpreters for deaf Pagans, inclusivity for LGBTQ Pagans, a welcoming atmosphere for Pagans of colour, accommodations for Pagans with allergies, and more. Luckily, we have some smart, helpful, welcoming Pagans talking about those issues already:

"In this case, the unpopular thing is the idea that we – Pagan leaders and ritualists – may need to change how we approach rituals in order to make our rituals more accessible and inclusive. We may even need to re-evaluate some of our dearly-held theological beliefs. If we want the dominant culture to change, to legalize gay marriage, support people with disabilities, eliminate racism... don't we have to do that work first ourselves, within our community?"

- "Ritual: Physical Accessibility, Transgender Inclusion, and more"; Shauna Aura Knight: Pagan Activist

"Given the huge variation between and within lineages in Gardnerian and Alexandrian Wicca, adding a bit more variation to the mix shouldn't be in the slightest bit controversial - but strangely, as soon as you mention including LGBT people, disabled people, and people of colour, it becomes controversial. I wonder why that is?"

- "But what do you actually do?"; Yvonne Aburrow, inclusive Wicca

"If there's any piece in a ritual that's gendered, they're usually for one of the two most common genders. Where do I fit if I'm involved in that ritual but the best descriptor for my gender mode is "the green of the deep woods in shaded places" (and yes, that is a gender mode I experienced very recently, and no, I don't have any better way to describe it). And that's just in ritual; what do I do in social spaces before and after? "Hi, my name is Dee and my pronouns are they and them," isn't necessarily the best icebreaker that doesn't also completely derail the purpose of the gathering (depending on the group, of course)."

- "Gender - What's the Big Idea?"; Dee Shull: The Liminal Waters

"And yet when these sorts of things occur, it gets kinda frustrating, and isolating, and lonely, and sad, and painful, and emotional... because when things like this come up I feel these complex issues do separate me. They kinda split me in half. I know I can go into the Deaf Community and they get it, and they can provide support... but they can't always provide the magick and the healing, and the spiritualness that gets me through days like this. But where can I find that same comparable understanding and support within the Pagan Community? I'm not saying it doesn't exist... but it does seem more challenging to locate it."

- "Mandela’s Fake Interpreter"; Ocean: Deaf Pagan Crossroads

"One of the walls I often crash against in the wider pagan community is the inaccessibility of events and rituals for children who have special needs, from autism spectrum disorders to physical mobility issues, that require accommodation. We are a community that prides itself on inclusivity, and yet I often see a lack of it towards children in general and specifically towards children who have behavioral or physical challenges. The biggest argument against it seems to be that something important will be lost if we change what we are doing to make it easier for children with different needs to attend. I disagree, and I think by making our [open, public] rituals too focused on creating a numinous experience for the adults present we are losing a more genuine feeling of community that should be present in religious worship by open groups.

"What frustrates me is that it doesn't have to be this way – while it does require compromise and reworking it is not impossible to accommodate families that need it. And I will never believe the Gods, ancestors or spirits are offended by the actions or needs of a child who is doing their best in the moment and only wants to be part of a spiritual celebration."

- "Irish-American Witchcraft: Pagan Events and Special Needs Children (or Adults)"; Morgan Daimler: The Agora

"There are also a lot of festivals, rituals and events, whether as small as a coven or large as a regional festival, that aren't very accommodating. And that's a problem.

"You see, we're getting old. As a movement, we are aging. Today Gardner would be over 120, and Alex Sanders would be in his 90's. The youngest of their initiates would be in their 40's to 60's now, and most would be much older.

"The Beatles wanted to know if you'd still love them when they turned 64. I wonder if our community will still be there for us when we're 72 or 86?"

- "Is Paganism Blind To The Disabled?"; Star Foster: Pantheon

"Some people in the Pagan community get it. They design gatherings with flexibility built in. They communicate clearly but inclusively — "We will be doing X" rather than "X kind of people should not apply." They are more interested in providing a positive experience and encouraging their fellow Pagans than in excluding people whose bodies don't meet their preconceived notions. They welcome questions and find ways to work around limits."

- "Welcome vs. Go Away"; Jane Raeburn: "Vulcan's Sister"

"There are also many people with disabilities whose voices are not included in this article. Some are quite isolated and have difficulty attending events at all, and rely almost entirely upon the internet to make contact with people of like mind. The Wild Hunt did reach out to a number of Pagans with disabilities about sharing their perspectives, but one thing that is all too common is that some disabilities — regardless of its other impacts — sap energy and make otherwise simple tasks much more difficult, such as sending an email or typing out a sentence or two in reaction. We would like to acknowledge these unheard voices within our community."

- "Pagans with disabilities face unseen challenges"; Terence P Ward: The Wild Hunt

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Published on 6 Comments on The value of consent


Sign: "Emergency Shut Off Valve" Many prominent Pagans are now talking about consent culture and how to make Pagan spaces safer. It particular, I would recommend Christine Kraemer's Consent Culture 101: Basic Practices and Teaching Games, Yvonne Aburrow's Silence equals complicity: making Pagan groups safe for everyone, Shauna Aura Knight's Harassment and Boundaries, and especially Stasa Morgan-Appel's Some Experiences with a Culture of Consent and Radical Inclusion.

To me, a culture of consent means that activities only happen with the enthusiastic consent of all participants. It is where lack of enthusiastic consent is sufficient to stop an activity and seek better communication; a spoken "no" is not necessarily required. And it goes beyond sex and even beyond touch and into all interactions so that games and activities, religious rituals, and even conversations are all based on consent. If we establish an expectation for seeking consent in all things, maybe it will be easier for all us to create and respect boundaries in more challenging areas such as sex.

At a Pagan event, I was in the washroom with someone with whom I generally get along and she made a comment that I didn't want to engage with. I said "I don't want to get in the middle of that". She had started towards the exit as we talked and she then stopped in front of the door, blocking it, holding the handle, and proceeded to rant at me. It was brief – probably only 30 seconds – but I felt disrespected and annoyed. Had I been less startled, I would have spoken up, but it happened so fast. I don't think she thought about it either; she didn't consciously override me or disregard my feelings, but simply got caught up in her own head.

At a drumming workshop, the instructor asked each person to individually play back a rhythm. I decided to pass on that particular exercise, being self-conscious about my sense of rhythm. When it came to my turn, I told the instructor that I would prefer not to and he was fine with that, but someone else in the class said "we're allowed to not do it?". It shocked me that those around me didn't know that they were allowed to say "no" to something.

If we value consent as individuals and as a community, we will all develop the ability to lovingly enforce boundaries and respectfully step back if requested. That's what a complete culture of consent could help us all with. There's a phrase amongst people that are seeking to create "consent culture": "yes means yes". Instead of defining consent in terms of what we don't say no to, it is about seeking enthusiastic consent. Enthusiastic consent and participation is what we should want in all our rituals; it will make our magic and our worship stronger.

There a few things I consider non-negotiable to warn for going into a ritual: skyclad (especially if it is mandatory); blood drawing; and drugs, including alcohol, in the working portion of the rite (a small amount of alcohol in the food and drink portion seems acceptable to me as long as consumption is voluntary and an alternative is presented as equal in value). Unfortunately, I have seen or heard from trusted sources of all three of these things being sprung upon ritual participants at different times by ritual leaders who should know better. I believe that sometimes ritual leaders are using the element of surprise in these matters as ways to shortcut to intense experiences. By springing something controversial and difficult on the participants, they can provoke an emotional response to add to the energy of the ritual. I think it is a lazy way of creating a heightened atmosphere and has no place in a religion that calls all members priests and priestesses.

Warning for or avoiding nudity, blood, and drugs is just the minimum we should do, though. The next step would be doing what this year's event coordinator did at the Gathering: making sure all event descriptions include information about scents/incense and food so potential participants with allergies and sensitivities can make informed decisions in advance. Finally, I believe we should make it clear how people can opt out of any part of a ritual or leave the sacred space completely.

I feel like it is an incredibly powerful thing to be able to have a skyclad ritual at a Pagan event. I've felt and seen the magic that happens when people have the chance to be naked in Circle together: how people gain confidence and become more embodied, and sometimes even become more comfortable in their skin. I don't practice skyclad at home, but I lead mixed groups of almost strangers in nude rituals at the annual local Pagan camp (The Gathering for Life on Earth) because I believe it is important for the experience to be available there1.

This year, the camp's theme was "The Wild Hunt" and my ritual, called Challenges of the Wild Ones, was on the first night, at about 11 PM. This has been the traditional time slot for the "starlit skyclad" (known in previous years as the "nude moonlit"), and I like it for the feeling of jumping in to cold water: everyone who wants to take the plunge can do so early in the weekend, before they have time to talk themselves out of it. I know how much courage it takes for people, especially first timers, to take off their clothes in front of other people, especially if they are also coming to one of their first group rituals ever. I feel honoured that several times, my skyclad ritual has been someone's first group ritual besides the camp's opening. I am flattered by the trust they've put in me.

When I write rituals for strangers, I cast my mind back to when I was new to public rituals and I never include anything that would have made that self feel unsafe or embarrassed. So when I was writing "Challenges of the Wild Ones" and wanted to include a part where everyone had to respond to a question, I considered a couple of different ways of making that more comfortable while keeping the feeling of a challenge. One option I considered was to give the questions in the pre-ritual explanation so people would have more time to prepare their answer. This was ultimately rejected because I didn't want everyone distracted by thinking up and remembering their answers during the first part of the ritual. The solution I came up with was to offer the option of a silent response. Since everyone would have their eyes closed, people wouldn't necessarily know who spoke and who responded silently, so hopefully that would minimize peer pressure. Honestly, I expected most people would respond silently when given the option, but when that portion of the ritual started, every single person gave their answer out loud. I don't remember many of the answers - the answers were to the gods or spirits, so not mine to collect - but I was deeply touched by the authenticity and honesty in how people spoke. I felt that most people responded from deep truths, even when their words were simple.

Later that weekend, I spoke to someone else who had been in that circle about how that surprised me, and she said that maybe because I had given people an "out", they felt safe enough not to use it. This dovetails nicely with my theory that if we make it easy for people to know how to leave a ritual, they'll be less likely to want a way out. I don't think offering an opt-out option will usually result in a ritual of non-participants watching... if it does, the ritual needs to be redesigned from scratch.

The pre-ritual speech I had my priest give (while I ran down to the beach to finish setting up) included directions on what to do to opt out of an activity, permission to respond silently, mention that I would be touching people on the shoulder to prompt their response, and instructions to bring their cloaks and towels with them for the optional skinny dipping. Looking back, I would have liked to have added a note about how to leave the ritual completely. There was one originally, but when the opening ritual didn't include a circle casting, I hastily wrote a circle casting into my ritual and didn't have the time to thoughtfully consider how people should exit. I would have also made sure to draw attention to the ingredients in the food and drink (several people took only apple slices until they found out that the cookies were gluten- and nut- and dairy-free), and to mention that opting out or leaving would have no consequences and there would be no questions asked, though my priest and I would be available to talk or receive feedback throughout the weekend.

Our most popular Pagan liturgies hold that we are all divine, or at least all capable of reaching the divine on our own. If everyone is god/dess, or even if everyone is "merely" a priest or priestess, then we owe each other respect. One of the ways we can show each other respect is to seek consent in all things. It is the least we can do for our fellow deities.

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Published on 1 Comment on A state of g.r.a.c.e.


mythumbnailIn one of my other aspects, I am a paragliding pilot. I dreamed of flying as a child and I have made that a reality. When I tell people that I am a paraglider, many tell me that I am crazy or say something like "isn't that dangerous?". Well, it isn't without risk – it is flight – but I can tell them about the strength and stability of the wings, the training and practising, and the safety equipment.

Before launching, a pilot will carefully check their equipment and will make sure that the environmental conditions are suitable to their skill level. In Paganism, we should check the physical safety of our space and the health of the group we intend to work with. I liked this post about ritual safety for an efficient summary of some of the issues we should consider.

Of course, the inherent safety of paragliding equipment and the work involved in getting a license isn't the whole point; human error is a huge part in flying accidents (and car accidents, boating accidents, scuba diving accidents...). Even someone with the best equipment and with the best skills can make mistakes, so we also learn to evaluate our own state of mind and to really think about whether or not we are in good condition to fly before launching. They like acronyms in flying, so we learn the I'M SAFE checklist.

If we are to do deep work – encountering deities, entering trance states – we should take our pre-ritual self-evaluation seriously. Too often, we're running from work or errands to a ritual, grabbing a potluck contribution from a grocery store on the way, and we have little time to think about how we're really doing. Ideally, we would all be in a state of GRACE before ritual starts:

Grounded

Relieved

Able

Clear

Emotionally Stable

Grounded: Release any excess energy and find balance and focus. Grounding is often part of our rituals, but if we don't feel solid going in, we cannot get deep.

Relieved: Relieve yourself first; it is really hard to concentrate with a full bladder! Also, relieve yourself of as many of the pesky annoyances as possible: tie back your hair if it is going to irritate you, get the little bit of food out from between your teeth, and whatever other little things you need to do to fully concentrate.

Able: Make sure you are physically able to do the work at hand. Most often, at a minimum, you should be rested, nourished, and hydrated before starting a rite. If your work does call for something more physically intensive, such as a vigil or a fast, you should carefully consider your physical condition before beginning and during the process.

Clear: Be clear and certain in your purpose and clear of all mental distractions so you are fully present in the moment and in the work.

Emotionally Stable: Make sure you are emotionally able to do the work at hand. If you are stressed, depressed, anxious, or grieving, then you may not be able to give your best to an intense religious experience. You need to decide for yourself what you are able to do.

The paragliding comparison falls apart a bit here, as even a short and simple flight requires that the pilot be absolute in top condition. I like Gus diZerega's hiking metaphor at the end of his article "Encountering Pagan Deities" and think it can be used here. If you are doing a light-hearted public seasonal celebration – the equivalent of an easy hike in a public park – you can get away with being a little less grounded, a little distracted, a little hungry, though your experience will probably be better if you are not. But if you are going to be seeking a deep, intense religious experience – a true mountain expedition – you should have done your research, completed a lot of training, and be in the best condition possible. Give your best to the work, and to your group, to get the best out.

Published on Leave a comment on Giving a way out


mythumbnailIt has come up in conversation a couple of times recently: How do you leave a ritual?
 
If you are a parent with a small child who needs you in the other room...
 
If you are a parent wearing an infant who wakes fussy mid-ritual...
 
If you suddenly feel ill...
 
If you have a physical or psychological condition that require you to leave...
 
If you are uncomfortable with something that is happening in the Circle...
 
There are a lot of reasons someone may want to leave the ritual space, but there are also reasons they may feel they have to stay anyway. For example, they may just not know what the procedure is for leaving and don't want to risk doing the wrong thing, or they may not want to go against the perceived authority of the person leading the ritual, especially if that person is a community elder. They may not want to speak up or interrupt because they don't want to draw extra attention to themselves or they fear they'll be seen as a troublemaker. In the conversations I've had, a lot of Pagans I know have stayed in a ritual situation where they were uncomfortable due to, basically, indirect peer pressure.
 
In our covens, groves, and spiritual families, this is fairly easy to resolve by all agreeing to a standard procedure for how one exits a ritual before it is over. This might include an agreement on whether or not someone has to say something before exiting or can just leave, a procedure for cutting oneself out of the Circle or how to get the Circle caster to do so, and whether or not someone can return to the ritual and how to do so.
 
In a public ritual or a private one with guests, especially if it may be someone's first group experience, adding an "out" to our pre-ritual spiel seems obvious, yet I don't think I've ever heard it included. In fact, even just hours after having a conversation about this, I forgot to include it in my explanation before the Beltane ritual at the Gathering. I'm determined not to forget again, so here's a draft of the speech I'm considering; I hope by writing it out, it'll be easier to remember:
 
If you need to or want to leave the ritual at any time, for any reason, please know that you are free to do so. We are all our own Priests and Priestesses; you do not need permission to leave. Every Circle is different, but in this Circle, you can cut yourself in and out. Simply stand near the boundary and visualize an opening - making a cutting gesture may help with the visualization. After exiting, please visualize the opening closing again behind you. If you wish to return to the Circle, simply reverse the procedure.
 
Unfortunately, the people who may most need to give such a speech may never do so, but if most people who lead public rituals make a point of always giving an out to all participants, maybe the word will get around that you never have to stay. Let's empower each other, protect each other, and, at the same time, make our rituals more friendly to parents, to new Pagans, and to those with other challenges that may limit their participation otherwise.



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