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Mud And Magic Blog

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Screenshot of the title shot for "The Middle" TV show.

Here in the middle, we have slippery and eclectic religious beliefs. We are neither clearly polytheists nor definitively humanists but a little of each and a bit of some other things too, bringing together beliefs that seem to contradict each other and living in a liminal spiritual space. We seek to become comfortable with uncertainty, or maybe to be content to be uncomfortable in our uncertainty.

Here in the middle, we have the opportunity to see a lot of Paganism's debates from both the inside and the outside. We can often see both sides of an issue, but it is rarely a good idea to weigh in. The problem with being in the middle is all sides are likely to disavow you.

All of that is the say that I very much appreciate when I see Pagans who are firmly part of one camp or another calling their own out1 when they think it is needed. Criticism - even well thought out and kind criticism - from outside tends to be met with defensiveness, while critiques from within can lead to real discussions and transformations.

Here in the middle, we need to be honest with ourselves too. Having some objectivity on other "Paganisms" does not make us immune to having blind spots and problematic behaviours all our own.

But that's a big topic for another day. For now, let's just say that we need keep ourselves honest.

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Orangutan Woodcut
Public domain

Ever since this past Samhain season, I've kept tripping over information about ancestor worship, working with ancestors, ancestor shrines... These things have never been a part of my personal practice and I still don't feel called to them now, or, at least, not in the ways I've seen them done. There's nothing wrong with those ways; just not my thing. But I do see the power of acknowledging where we come from.

I have two urges: To go very far back and to go very far forward.

I want to go back to the ancestors of modern homo sapiens - Mitochondrial Eve and Y-Adam - and honour our deepest origins and our beautiful shared humanity.

And I want to go forward and explore what it means to be the ancestors of the future, worthy of being honoured.

"Can you just stop?" I want to say, "Stop with the giggling, with the chatting, with the side comments that have nothing to do with why we are here. Focus, damn it!"

Even the best ritual script doesn't always survive contact with the ritual participants. I have had rituals flop due to a weak concept and lack of preparation, but the ones that bug me are the ones that fail, in my perception, due to the participants.

That isn't fair, really; if the participants are distracted and unfocused, it could be that my ritual concept was a poor match for the group, or that I didn't sufficiently prepare my group for the ritual, or that my overall leadership was lacking. But sometimes it seems like one person had a bad day, or consumed too much caffeine, or has low blood sugar, and they pull the focus of everyone.

I admire ritual leaders that can return focus without causing further disruption to the energy (as suddenly yelling "Can you just stop?" would tend to). I went to a lovely sung devotional ritual where a couple of people started talking about something unrelated to the ritual, and the priestess gently sang out into the centre of the circle something like "this is a sacred time for devotional speech only". It shut down the distraction and returned everyone's attention back to the ritual's purpose, and because the priestess didn't address anyone directly, she accomplished this without calling anyone out.

I am still trying to figure out how to intervene and bring a ritual back on track in a way that is comfortable and fits my ritual style. I've found a couple of things that are helpful for prevention, though. I need to know my ritual very well so I can lead it confidently and have the elements flow smoothly; pauses, hesitations, and errors leave time for attention to wander. Using the same ritual structure every time has helped with my smaller group, as the repetition from ritual to ritual gets everyone into the familiar mindset faster and more effectively. And making sure people have eaten is a good idea, so we usually do dinner first and dessert after for grounding.

Sometimes there's nothing to be done. I write the best script I can, prepare myself and the group as well as possible, set the mood and try to keep the energy flowing smoothly, but maybe someone will be "off", or maybe the cat will throw up in the circle, or maybe someone's phone will start ringing... do what you can, then surrender to whatever happens. You can't always fight it - and yelling "stop it!" in circle is probably not conducive to creating the right energy.

Lighthouse in Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia The Allergic Pagan - "The First Commandment of Paganism: "Thou Shalt Not Judge" (and why this is a problem)":

"I am entirely comfortable with criticizing other people's interpretations of their experiences, and I welcome people to do the same for me. That is not to say that I will necessarily always have an answer for them, but I appreciate the questioning. When done in a spirit of openness and humility, the process of question benefits both sides in the conversation, and the community as a whole."

"So long as we agree not to question or criticize one another's beliefs, we are bound to have an immature theology — one articulated in an echo chamber of our voices and those that agree with us."

Under the Ancient Oaks - "Hold Loosely But Practice Deeply":

"We start by rejecting the idea that holding the "right" belief is the most important part of religion. ... We hold our beliefs loosely. We are humans speculating about the Gods. We are mortals making guesses about immortals. We are creatures with a lifespan of perhaps 100 years trying to understand a universe that is 13,700,000,000 years old."

"Yet while we hold a belief, we explore it deeply. It is no virtue to hold our beliefs so lightly they make no difference in our lives. ... Religious certainty is for fundamentalists and fools. Hold your beliefs lightly, but while you hold them, treat them as though they were true and explore them as deeply as you can."

Shekhinah Calling - "13 Tips For Being the Best Witch You Can Be":

"Challenge all dogma, including (especially) that espoused by those whose practices look the most like yours. Explore heresies. What makes an idea threatening? Whom does it threaten? Whom does it empower? Break open the ideas that have become calcified; step into the places that others claim are forbidden. You don't have to love what you find. But how will you ever know what's there unless you take a peek?"

Numinous and Concrete - "Community Challengers":

"Challengers in our communities make us feel uncomfortable, annoyed, exposed, defensive, and sometimes even angry. That's a byproduct of their job. Their job is to point things out, to question, to bring a view that is just outside our own. ... We are not meant to remain forever comfortable in our communities. A community with no challengers is a community that has ceased to change and adapt. When we cease changing and adapting, we wither."

The House of Vines - "Just because an experience is real doesn't make it true":

"And if you're going to start meddling with your perceptions – poking and prodding and stretching reality into strange and uncomfortable shapes – the first thing you better learn is some discernment. ... Question everything, especially your perceptions, and don't rush to any conclusions based on your experiences. Just because an experience is real doesn't make it true. You think that state of oneness is the pinnacle, but what if it's actually the bottom, the most rudimentary of gates one can pass through?"

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Sunrise over the ocean

The flip side of the "so naive" story about believers is a story about non-believers: "so cynical".

Exclamations of awe and wonder often refer to deity and divinity:

Oh my god!
Jesus!
Heavens above!
Praise god!
Amen!
Thank god!

When we see beauty so great that we lose words...
When we receive a blessing so powerful that we can't express our gratitude...
When we are struck with ecstatic realization...

... we use the language of the divine and the supernatural, having no other words big enough.

But not using the words, or not believing in what is supposed to be behind the words, doesn't mean not feeling the awe and wonder. Being skeptical about whether or not there's a creator doesn't prevent your heart from beating faster when lightening forks across the sky, or when you spot a wild deer for a breathless moment before it bounds into the forest, or when watching the sun rise over the ocean. The hypnotizing beauty of a camp fire, the pull of a drum rhythm, and a video of the earth from space can move the spirit even of one who doubts the existence of a soul.

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Rainbow in an industrial area "I wished I could believe like that. It must be so comforting..."

There are all kinds of Pagans. I hang out with a lot of humanists and skeptics, and fewer mystics and believers, so I hear the above phrase a lot. I've said it a few times myself.

There's something condescending in that, though, right? 'Ah, to be so naive again!' says the world-weary realist.

That's not to say that the envy isn't also real for some of us. We do want what (we think) faith will give us: feelings of being cared for and watched over, purpose and direction given to us from outside, and comfort that comes from Someone having a plan. We think it will be less work; we think it will be easier than always doubting, analyzing, thinking, creating, and then doubting and analyzing again.

I think we underestimate the work involved in believing, but this isn't about the faithful. This is about letting go of the story of "I wish to believe" - both the patronizing and the jealousy - and embracing our unique ways of being in this religion and what we can contribute to the larger conversation about spirituality's role in saving humanity. We can be a bridge. We can make religious offerings that are gifts to the world. We can offer community and connection. We can bring each other back into the earth and show what's worth saving. We can make thoughtful critiques, show that comfort is not the most important thing, and create something beautiful and true and powerful... then doubt and ask questions and create something even more beautiful and true and powerful. There's a lot of work to do; let's stop wasting time wishing we were different.

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There is incredible diversity in this umbrella religion we call "Paganism" - to the extent that some doubt we can be called a single religion at all. I find the ways people classify the types of Pagans to be more interesting than a debate over who gets to use the term and who doesn't.

"Given the commonality of the basic Gardnerian liturgical pattern, it is useful to propose a typology based on how closely the various Pagan groups resemble the Gardnerians, resemblances created because it was the "Gardnerian magnet", as Chas Clifton labeled it, that set off the Pagan Renaissance in the 1960s. ... Given that, let us visualize a circular target. At its center are the "orthodox" Gardnerians of America ... The next ring out is for the "liberal" Gardnerians... The third ring is for Witches whose practice follows Gardnerian practice in almost every detail, although these Witches do not claim a lineage going back to Gardner... The fourth ring is thus for generic, eclectic, or non-Gardnerian Witches, who now constitute roughly 90 percent of all the Witches in America and Canada. ... the fifth ring is for Pagan religions that do not define themselves as being a form of Witchcraft... A sixth ring is needed for the Ceremonial Magicians... The next ring out would logically be for all the varieties of indigenous religions that have influenced or are of interest to Pagans, but these religions are in the bailiwick of mainstream religious studies; so this seems to be a logical place to stop."

- "A Typology of Paganism"; Aiden Kelly: Including Paganism

"Imagine that the Pagan community has not one, but multiple "centers". Imagine each of these "centers" defines Pagan identity and authenticity differently."

"The Pagan identity of earth-centered Pagans is defined by their relationship to their natural environment. Authenticity for these Pagans is defined by one’s ability to connect with the more-than-human world."

"The Pagan identity of Self-centered Pagans is defined by spiritual practices which aim at development of the individual, spiritually or psychologically. Paganism is, for some Self-centered Pagans, a form of therapy or self-help. Authenticity is determined by one’s relationship with one’s Self, with that larger sense of Self which extends beyond the boundaries of one’s ego and one’s individual person."

"The Pagan identity of deity-centered Pagans is defined by a dedication to one or more deities. Authenticity is determined by one’s relationship with those deities and/or one’s relationship with the reconstructed practices of ancient pagans who worshiped those deities."

- "The Three (or more?) "Centers" of Paganism"; The Allergic Pagan

"For community-centered Pagans, the community is that which transcends the individual. The relationship between community-centered Pagans and the community is ideally characterized by love. ... The unique challenge presented by community-centered Paganism arises from the conflict between individual and group needs. Thus, love is a core virtue of community-centered Paganism, since love is what enables us to identify the needs of others as our own."

- "The role of faith and hubris in Paganism"; The Allergic Pagan

Though I like the idea of the four centres of Paganism, I want to use "inner centred" or something like that due to the problems involved in using Self-centred in a discussion.

And an article I always give to people before/during theology discussions:

"Red: ...the gods are personal, named, individual entities, with whom one can communicate almost as one would with human beings. They may or may not be humanlike."

"Blue: Deity exists. ... It is so great, so subtle, so all-encompassing, that we cannot hope to comprehend more than a tiny fraction of it. Being ourselves human, we relate best to things that are humanlike, and so we have 'the gods': humanlike metaphors or masks which we place upon the faceless Face of the Ultimate..."

"Yellow: The gods exist only as constructs within the human mind and imagination. They are Truths - valid ways of making sense out of human thought and experience... - but they are not Facts. ... It doesn't matter that the gods aren't factual; they're true, and that's what's important."

"Now, let's arrange these endpoints in the shape of a triangle, with Red at the top, and Blue and Yellow at the left and right of the base. Many people's beliefs don't fall precisely on one of these endpoints, but somewhere along one of the edges, or even in the middle. A person's beliefs may change from moment to moment, or may remain fixed for years."

- "Pagan Deism: Three Views"

"If you identify with one or two of these centers but not another, that's fine – and you have plenty of company. If you identify with any of these centers, I want you in the Big Tent of Paganism. I enjoy theological discussions and debates (so long as they remain respectful) – they help me refine my own ideas about the gods. But in the end the nature of the gods or God/dess or the All or however you see Divinity remains a mystery."

- "The Three Centers of Paganism"; Under the Ancient Oaks

And, finally, the (inevitable, but welcome) call for respect despite our many differences:

Project Pagan Enough logo

"Project Pagan Enough (known as PPE) began in 2010 as a means to bring a live-and-let-live mentality to the pagan community. To cease the in-fighting and further a sense of community and camaraderie between those who claim the moniker Pagan. ...Project Pagan Enough is also a challenge to engage with those you disagree with in an academic, tactful conversation. Get to know the other person and their reasoning for saying or believing as they do. Educate both yourself and the other person in a respectful manner. Share knowledge and regard someone’s individual path as being different from your own while being the same in the desire to seek the divine."

- "Project Pagan Enough"; Inciting A Riot

A shelf of books that have influenced my spirituality.

I was saddened to hear of the passing of Margot Adler at the end of July. Her book, "Drawing Down the Moon: Witches, Druids, Goddess-Worshippers, and Other Pagans in America Today", was one of my first introductions to Paganism. I read the original edition from my high school library and later bought the "revised and expanded edition". Though I haven't re-read it in many years, it still has a place on my bookshelf. In fact, when I did a purge of all my Pagan books a number of years ago, it was one of the first that I moved to the "keep" pile.

I have never owned a copy of the first book about Paganism I ever read - Robin Skelton's "Practice of Witchcraft Today: An Introduction To Beliefs and Rituals", found at the community library - and I sold and donated a lot of the other Pagan books I owned. They had played their part and I was not going to re-read them. On my religion/spiritual bookshelf, my Pagan books are either sentimental books - local authors, autographed books, etc. - classics like "The Spiral Dance", and a small handful of reference books. My copy of "Drawing Down" fits in both of the latter categories.

When I went to pull my copy and read through the introduction in remembrance of Margot Adler, I had a look at what else was on the shelf and reflected on what and who has influenced me. Most of my books are about labyrinths, community living, prayer (from a variety of religions), Eastern philosophy, Jungian thought, deep ecology, and a few new age books. The greatest influences on my current form of Paganism are probably "Cosmos" by Carl Sagan.

Pagans are good at integrating wisdom and beauty from many sources into our traditions. Maybe that's why Pagans don't quote Pagans1: we're quoting the original sources before they've gone through our filters and creative reworkings. It's an honest practice. But as we combine and create and recreate, our own wisdom emerges, such as, from "Drawing Down the Moon": "Paganism is a gift of life to life herself. ... It's planting gardens, loving the planet, being concerned with truth and honesty, and reclaiming parts of ourselves that have been cut off."2

Thank you Margot.

Stone statue praying in a community garden. The abs class fitness instructor at the gym likes to remind us that in order to get a strong core, eventually you have to do crunches. You can do lots of other things too, but, eventually, you have to contract those muscles, and that means crunching. You have to do the work, and you have to do the right work.

I feel you, Niki: I'm also not doing the work I need to be doing.

I'm reading other people's inspirational and thought-provoking posts and thinking about their opinions instead of working on my own. I'm making new Pagan memes: seeking out quotes, matching them with photos, playing with fonts and frames. I'm also going to the gym and doing my crunches. What I'm not doing is authentic prayer.

Part of my current spiritual practices is praying prior to meals and sleep, but the prayers I've been using are the same as the ones I've been using for more than a decade and they no longer match my beliefs. They've become almost superstitions. Since I think best in writing, I've been telling myself to write it out – here or in my journal – and start revising my daily rituals, but the right time to do that never seems to be now.

This isn't the right time either. We have "House of Cards" on, which hardly sets the right atmosphere for deep introspection or real spiritual work, and I've got a sleeping cat in my lap that I don't want to disturb by getting up. But I need to start this work... one day.

It is like a physical exercise routine: you know it is good for you; you know you'll feel better when you do it; you know that once you build a new habit, it will be relatively easy to maintain; but, somehow, it is still just easier to keep finding excuses and keep putting it off. Maybe, like with exercise, I need a real motivation to go from excuses to actions. I had reasons - reasons that were very specific and deeply important to me - for starting to go to the gym, and I had measurable results to keep me motivated. To do the spiritual work I feel I need to do, I need a calling. A calling won't come from my gods, for they don't speak, so I must find it within, and I must find in that calling both reason and reward.

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Two sets of weights and a wand on an exercise mat.

How being a priestess for a public ritual is like being a group fitness leader:

Some people will follow your lead, even to their own detriment... witness the person who never does cardio doing every burpee you do, even though they can't breath anymore, or the person who will make a vow in circle they can't keep, just to match what you have committed to. You are in a position of power.

You need to set good energy and keep it going. Your participants have a part in it too, but in circles and in the gym, the leader sets the tone. If you aren't into it, they won't be into it. And you are responsible to set the appropriate energy. Silly going into a serious ritual works just as well as draggy and grumpy going into a high energy cardio class. Start as you mean to go on.

You must be prepared to play the fool sometimes or to improvise wildly. Things will go wrong, and when they do, everyone in the room will be looking to you to fix it. Be prepared to come up with a solution on the fly and throw yourself into it, even if it makes you look silly.

Cuing well is crucial whether it is "4... 3... speed it up" or a gesture to show that everyone should turn in a certain direction and repeat "blessed be". Master the art of cuing a crowd using words and gestures, and you'll be both a great fitness leader and a great ritual leader.

In the end, it is about them, not about you. Whether in a fitness class or a public ritual, the goal is to serve the needs of as many of your participants as you can, even at the cost or your own workout or worship.

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